the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
