his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
