Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Randomize
