You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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