Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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