Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
