I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
