No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
