Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
