I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
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