In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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