I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
