you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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