I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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