Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize