He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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