Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Text me some of your sweat
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
