Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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