Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
