so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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