i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
