No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I just cut my nipple shaving
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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