he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
