My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
MIDGETS
????
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
