Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
