i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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