the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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