it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
