my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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