So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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