You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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