my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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