sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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