I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
