so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
