life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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