You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize