Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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