ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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