dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
