dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
