a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
