did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I am mentally ready for anal.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize