Im at strip club and am horny
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
