O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
