he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
