My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize