she was so not down for the gang bang
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
