Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
