I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
