Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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