I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I looked at my own cervix.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
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