When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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