she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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