where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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