i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
