I wish I could teleport
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Randomize
