woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
