I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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