My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Houston, we have a squirter
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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