Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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