then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
