Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
