I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
