shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
