My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I just found puke in my bra..
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
