well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
