youre lurking in front of me
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
