I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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