Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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