I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
